The good news is...I had a much better lesson that I did the last three weeks.

The bad news is...I still suck when compared to what ladystarblade accomplishes on her bass guitar.

And I shouldn't compare...but she's been kicking ass and taking names and I've just been...blah. And I don't know if it's because I just don't practice enough. Or if I'm just not cut out for this instrument. I really, really want to be good at this. I try hard. I practice as muh as I can fit in and when I can fit it in. But it's never enough. I don't seem to do well at all.

And just once I want to come out of my lesson after kicking ass and taking names...and it's just not happening. Not now...not ever.

And until I get better at the very basic stuff like...oh...playing "Michael Row the Boat Ashore" and "Kumbya"...well, then I'm not going to be able to play Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" and play it well.

How many more hours do I need to practice to actually perform well in my lesson? What the hell am I doing so wrong that I just can't seem to get it? I love the guitar. I want to be passionate about it. But I just feel like I'm getting left behind in the dust here.

I know I won't be great yet. I know I'm not even close to good. But, dammit...I want to really get into this instrument. I want to make progress. I want to be the one bragging about my skills and what I did in my lesson.

And I have yet to do that.

And yeah...I'm frustrated.

:(

I listen to guitar players in these bands and I wonder how the hell I'll ever be as good as them. And sometimes...I don't think I will be.

So...my guitar lesson was tonight. And I actually felt a little confident going in there. I played "Amazing Grace" with only a few mistakes. Moved onto the next song which was a little more difficult. Then got to one called "Melancholy" or as my teacher called it..."the sad song." So, we played it. Or I attempted to. And I missed a lot of notes. I fell behind. I totally skipped an entire stanza.

"Well...that sucked." That's what my instructor told me after I played it.

That's now three weeks in a row of "Well...that sucked." And I'm frustrated as all hell because I'm really starting to wonder if I'll ever get the hang of this instrument.

I'm determined...but each week it's getting to be more difficult to convince me that I can be good that the guitar.

So...*sigh*...here's to another week.

~*~*~

Aside from that...both ladystarblade and I are off to see The Foo Fighters tomorrow in Indianapolis. We're meeting up with Julia (IndyGirl) and her friend from work for dinner and then off to the show. They have really awesome seats. We're...in the rafters. LOL!! Ah well.

I think it will be a blast. I've heard they put on a rockin' show.

So...early to bed tonight. Long drive home afterwards tomorrow.

My lesson is tonight. Tonight. At 6:30 p.m.

This week, I have had time to work in a total of 8 minutes of practice time! 8 MINUTES!!!!

This is beyond bad. And I know I complain about this week after week, but I really am not good at the guitar and it's because I lack practice time. 8 minutes isn't going to make me improve on my skills. At all! It's ridiculous. It's shameful. 8 minutes!!

Granted, I was out of town this weekend. But I did bring my guitar with me. Did I pick it up? Nope. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday...I have classes until 7:45 p.m. I'm home by 8:00 p.m. I shower. On Tuesdays, I don't get home until closer to 9:00 p.m. Fridays I go do my grocery shopping, and this often takes all night because...well, we go where the deals are and that means going to three different grocery stores at times. Wednesdays are my lesson days.

I try to make time for my guitar. Because the truth of the matter is...I really, really want to learn. I just haven't been able to put the effort I need to into it. I'm never home. When I am...it's late. And you try playing an electric guitar on the third floor apartment without disturbing anyone...because that doesn't work. Neither does the fact that I really need to be playing along with Nickelback's CD, but can't do that either...because of the hours in which I'm home.

8 minutes is unacceptable. And I'm ashamed of my lack of dedication to the instrument. I am.

And I keep telling myself...only one more week of classes...only one more week...

Until August...and it happens all over again.

*sigh*

I'm not having a good day.

Nothing bad has happened...yet. It's just been rather blah. It wasn't BLAH when I was home. It wasn't BLAH when I was riding into work.

It was BLAH when I got here. And I've been sitting at my desk, not just hating being here but hating myself for being here. And I just can't shake this mood. I feel trapped. And I've been on the frickin' verge of tears all morning for no other reason except the fact that I am NOT happy at all with being here and I can't fix that.

My guitar has been frustrating me. I just can't get it. And I get aggrevated when I don't get it. No matter how long I sit there trying to get my fingers just so...and trying to strum just right...I feel like I'm failing.

My lesson is tonight...I'm not prepared...again. Because I HAVE NO FREAKIN' TIME TO FREAKIN' PRACTICE!

Midterm was yesterday. Feeling rather apathetic on it. Some of it I feel I did okay. Other parts of it I'm just...eh...I studied as much as I possibly could for that thing. So, we'll see if it paid off. I never know what to expect when it's a first exam like that. Unfortunately, it's worth 25% of my grade. Yeah. I hate trial-by-fire exams with teachers.

Wow...this entry is just...ugh. I'll stop now.

Well...I'm going to my third guitar lesson tonight and I am beyond frustrated with it. It's a rather difficult instrument to learn. And I'm aggrevated because I still can't play "Wild Thing" very well and my version of "Rockstar" basically stops when Chad Kroger sings "It's like the bottom of the ninth and I'm never going to win..."

The F chord just isn't working for me. My hands are too small. They don't want to press against the strings as they need to.

I just feel like I'm failing.

Okay...so, technically, I'm not really dead. But I feel like it. I haven't been able to sleep well the past few nights. And this morning, it was seriously a struggle to get out of bed. My alarm went off at 5:30 as it normally does and I hit snooze three times. Yeah. I don't EVER hit snooze!

So, I muddled out of bed. Did my yoga. And that was that.

I am so frickin' tired.

I have a research paper to write and two articles to work on. Of course, I'm still trying to get answers from someone for one of them.

And it's just aggrevating.

*sigh*

Why am I doing this again?

Yep. It happened again. I just had a complete cry-fest over this frickin' History class. I don't know how come it gets to me. I feel like I'm working so hard, trying to keep up with the readings and the assignments and the quizes, but I'm never quite...there. And the impending midterm of doom and the research paper and...everything else.

I know I've bitched about it a hundred times before in my journal, but I seriously am ready to be done with class. I'm ready to be out of school. By the time I graduate, if I've figured it all out correctly...I'll have spent 7 years in classes. Seven frickin' years to get a 4-year degree. I hate having to work while I go to school. I hate that I'll be 30 when I graduate. I hate feeling like a complete loser for not having my degree by now.

I just...hate it.

And I'm just so burnt out on it all and it just feels like I'll never get there. No matter how much I work for it. It just seems so far away.

And...on a different note...

Swiped from ninkasa



You are breakfasty, like a pile of pancakes on a Sunday morning that have just the right amount of syrup, so every bite is sweet perfection and not a soppy mess. You are a glass of orange juice that's cool, refreshing, and not overly pulpy. You are the time of day that's just right for turning the pages of a newspaper, flipping through channels, or clicking around online to get a sense of how the world changed during the night. You don't want to stumble sleepily through life, so you make a real effort to wake your brain up and get it thinking. You feel inspired to accomplish things (whether it's checking something off your to-do list or changing the world), but there's plenty of time for making things happen later in the day. First, pancakes.

Eh...it's not quite me. Some of it is. *shrug*

Yeah...suckery. A new word. But nothing else seems to fit this situation. If you thought you had computer issues, sidewinder...just look at the hot mess that awaited ladystarblade yesterday:

1. Computer taking forever to boot up.
2. Get idea to wipe computer hard drive.
3. Realize WipeDrive disc is with another computer.
4. Go to Best Buy and purchase WipeDrive program.
5. WipeDrive program is $30 more than expected.
6. Go home
7. I ask ladystarblade about boot disc for after WipeDrive.
8. ladystarblade doesn't know where boot disc is.
9. ladystarblade drives to family house to find said boot disc with operating system on it.
10. ladystarblade calls to say she can't find it and is coming home.
10. While she's heading home, I find the box with the computer boot disc and operating system.
11. I call ladystarblade to tell her the news.
12. I start WipeDrive.
13. WipeDrive clears off the hard drive.
14. ladystarblade returns home and realizes that the operating system on the boot disc is Windows ME (Millenium Edition).
15. Install Windows ME.
16. Try to install Microsoft Office 2003.
17. Get an error that says Microsoft Office 2003 is not compatible with Windows ME.
18. ladystarblade cusses...a lot.
19. ladystarblade goes to see if she can find a Windows XP disc at her family house.
20. Discover that the router for her wireless connection will not work with Windows ME.
21. ladystarblade returns.
22. Bitch, bitch, bitch.
23. Use WipeDrive to wipe the computer again.
24. After much shouting, deliberation, and tears, we head out to Wal-Mart for a copy of Windows XP.
25. Cannot find anything but Windows XP Upgrade.
26. Discover all we need is the Windows XP Upgrade anyway.
27. Spend $105.85 on Windows XP Upgrade.
28. Return home.
29. Reinstall Windows ME from boot disc.
30. Install Windows XP Upgrade.
31. Halfway through upgrade, get error message about not having enough memory (uh...just wiped the whole computer and XP was on it before!) or the disc being corrupt.
32. More cussing, bitching, and anger.
33. Reinstall Windows ME again.
34. Try to install Windows XP Upgrade again.
35. Halfway through upgrade, get error message about not having enough memory or the disc being corrupt.
36. LOTS of swearing and bitching.
37. Decide to reinstall Windows ME and attempt to register it.
38. Realize that Windows ME is not set up for broadband internet, as it did not exist when operating system was made.
39. Install wireless adaptor for router anyway.
40. Cannot connect to Microsoft site because it is busy.
41. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.
42. Try to install the Windows XP Upgrade again.
43. Halfway through upgrade, get error message about not having enough memory or the disc being corrupt.
44. Gave up and shut everything down.
45. Called hacker friend to come over this morning to fix it.

Seriously, folks...I can't make this shit up. And we really can't afford a new computer (or the hassel of Windows Vista...BLARF!). Nor could we really afford these programs, especially if they aren't working. Nor can we really afford to be down a computer.

Just sayin'.

GAH!

Keep your fingers crossed. We're going to need it.

Frustration. Frustration beyond my control. *shakes fist*

More on that later...gotta get back to my stacks!